Why Gilmore Girls’ Stars Hollow is and isn’t like Emporia

This post goes out to Cat Hummel, who asked me if living in a small town is anything like the Stars Hollow of “Gilmore Girls.” You know the one — where kooky characters roam the streets (see Sunday’s post). Where you can see your house from the local diner. Why yes they are alike, Cat! And at the same time, not so much.

1. Luke Danes isn’t around

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Oh, that backwards baseball cap and grumpy face! What I wouldn’t give to see him serve me pancakes. Unfortunately, I have yet to meet a Luke Danes, Jess Mariano or Dean Forester. It might be because they aren’t real. Sniff.

2. Our festivals aren’t so kooky

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Not that we shouldn’t have a Festival of Living Art (Casey Woods, you dig?), in which we all dress as painting figures and pose still for a full minute. Or historical re-enactors who stand all night in the snow to commemorate the night when soldiers waited all night for a battle that never happened.

We have:

  • The Dirty Kanza, a gravel-grinding 200-mile bike ride
  • The Glass Blown Open, a frisbee-golf tournament
  • The Great American Market, with street vendors spanning 10 blocks

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3. Everything is within walking distance

This is Stars Hollow, not Emporia.
This is Stars Hollow, not Emporia.

Rory and Lorelai can walk to Luke’s, Kim’s Antiques, Weston’s and the Red, White and Black.

I am in walking distance from Orange Leaf (just below my loft), RuYi’s Asian Food, Willard’s Donuts, Mulready’s Pub and Little Caesar’s.

I have gained so much weight, even though I can also walk to Genesis Fitness Center.

4. Places here also close way too early

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Feel like Sunday shopping? Forget it. Late-night coffee? Not after 8 p.m. If it’s not on a 60-year-old’s sleeping schedule, don’t bother. However, this forces creativity when spending extra free time.

5. Our buildings also go pretty far back — way, way back

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“Thomas Jefferson blew his nose all over this town.” — Lorelai Gilmore

The Emporia Gazette was built in the 1870s (I think), and many say it’s haunted. It’s still heated by boilers. My bank, Capitol Federal, has marble counters and a 50-foot ceiling. There was a time when people rode horses through town. One man ran into The Gazette with a pistol, threatening William Allen White unless he retracted an article and ended up in hand-to-hand scuffle. Talk about the Wild, Wild Midwest, eh?

6. Small news anywhere else is big news here

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“Well now I know what the front page of the Stars Hollow Gazette will be.” — Jess Mariano

I have covered swimming puppies, a flood sale, why that traffic light won’t stop blinking, everything down to your leaky faucet. Oh, and the chickens! Who knew the issue of chicken-raising-legality within city limits was such a divisive, hot-button topic. Because of this, a kind man visited the newsroom the other week to school me in chicken-raising. But I love these stories, and I guess our readers do, too.

7. But we’re keeping up with the outside

Emporia wants to grow. It’s like we want to be Lawrence’s younger brother. Every year we have more community events, more quirky stores and more love for our city. I, for one, am a big fan.

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